My armor for fiercely facing the storms of life

The necklace that started it all…

I have a necklace that I usually wear under my clothes so I feel it on my chest and remember it throughout the day.  It has a round, silver disk on a long chain with song lyrics engraved on it written in my handwriting.  It’s a private little message between God and me.  But somedays – somedays I wear it on the outside of my shirt to put the devil on notice.

Recently, I was at my doctor’s office and had left the necklace visible.  As my doctor was listening to my heart, she noticed the necklace and asked what the wording said. 

I explained that it was song lyrics from the song* that had gotten me through years of epilepsy.  She is also my son’s doctor so knows about his epilepsy but this stopped her.  She said, “That must be really hard.  It’s one thing to have your own health issues but must be really hard to watch your child go through that.”  I agreed it was but couldn’t say more than that as tears threatened to start.

Two years ago, four excruciating years into our epilepsy journey, I told God I needed armor as we began the newest leg of our journey with epilepsy: brain surgery assessments for our 8-year-old son. Actual physical armor to put on every morning because I couldn’t keep living this life that He seemed to be expecting me to live.  I was in the middle of a storm that had been raging for years with no end in sight – and was in need of a lifeline to be able to keep going.  I needed something to remind me that I was a soldier. That I could survive this newest battle.

I thought the armor should have a Bible verse on it and so began searching for the right one. He gave me song lyrics instead.

as I come so alive that death is afraid of me

And I argued with Him about it for two weeks before finally giving in. I found a vendor who would make a necklace with the wording written in my own handwriting.

I have put that necklace on every morning since then, reciting those words…even when I didn’t believe them.  Reciting those words for the last two years even when it wasn’t true. Until it became true. Until God made it true.

Come So Alive

So the morning after my doctor appointment, before I was even out of bed, I woke up and had the thought,

“I should start a blog.”

“I hate blogs.  Why would I write one?”

“To share hope and light the path for others,” came the reply.

“But what would I even call it?”

“Come So Alive”

Two years ago, I asked for armor amid looming brain surgery and was given “As I come so alive…” – then the year got even worse.  Yet, somehow, I survived it. 

A few months ago, I realized that the necklace wasn’t just armor getting me through each day.  It had been God’s promise of what lay ahead, an end.  A change in me even when the storm didn’t change.  A promise of Him breathing new life into me amidst the storm.

I put my armor on again this morning. 

I said aloud, “As I come so alive that death is afraid of me,” as I slipped it over my head.

“Whoa… That’s fierce!”

Yes, it is. It needs to be.

*I Will Rise Again by Jason Gray