Anticipation, Part 2

I woke up Sunday morning reciting a verse in my head: “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.”

I have a reminder on my phone so that verse, Isaiah 61:1, pops up every Sunday morning, but this week I thought about it before I even reached for my phone.  Actually, I know that verse so well that I don’t really need the reminder to know those words. I have lived those words.

Last week, I wrote about anticipating my peonies popping open every spring.  Lately though, I’ve been anticipating another yearly event, although I guess dreading it is the more accurate way to describe it. 

You see, Sunday was the 8^th anniversary of Cody’s epilepsy diagnosis.

My greatest joy was born in October.

Four years later, October ushered in my greatest heartbreak.

Obviously, I knew it had been coming for…well, since the 7^th anniversary.  But this year, we had scheduled our fourth fundraising concert on the same day so at least something good would come from something bad.

But once the planning and preparing were finished, I spent a day depressed.  Because no matter how much we were eagerly anticipating the concert, the dread of facing one more anniversary and starting one more year of epilepsy also loomed ahead of us.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.

Yet amid my dread of future dates lives anticipation of healing.  I know because I have seen God do it over and over again for eight years now.

Just like He did Sunday afternoon when, instead of recording the singer singing a song, I decided to record Cody singing the song.  It’s one of Cody’s favorites and he had specifically requested it. 

I didn’t catch it live, but later as I watched the video, I heard Cody, my greatest joy and my greatest heartbreak, sing these words:

God will not leave me brokenhearted.  He is still here, binding my wounds.

The bindings don’t erase the epilepsy diagnosis day from history though. It still happened. And Cody still has epilepsy today.

The bindings just make it possible for my heart to keep functioning. To keep me living. To bring me back to life for whatever comes next.

And when whatever comes next breaks my heart again, I can look forward with confident and maybe even joyful anticipation to the amazing way God will bind up that broken heart and turn the ashes of my aching into something beautiful.  

He won’t leave me broken.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners

Isaiah 61:1