Through darkness to sunlight

I’ve known Holly for…well, since I’m only 28, let’s say three years. We met at one of our first jobs out of college and only worked together for a year before she moved on. Thankfully, we have stayed friends for 25…I mean, three years.

Holly is the friend who offered help and to whom I rather vehemently replied I was tired of asking for help before my recent surgery…the friend who then graciously accepted my pathetic request to drive me home from surgery…and to a doctor appointment a few days later. Whose husband spent his lunch hour shoveling my driveway a few weeks after that. Oy vey.

Thankfully, she’s used to my melodrama and has even seen me at my worst, very literally.

“I think I’m depressed.”

I said that to my therapist (not to Holly), who simply said, “Yes, you are.”

“Do I need medication?”

“I can’t prescribe medication,” replied my therapist. “You’ll have to talk to your doctor about that. But do you think you need it?”

I was sleeping 10-12 hours at night. On the weekends, I was also napping for another 2 hours – neither was my normal. On weekdays, I couldn’t nap because of work. Instead, I cried the whole drive to work…and sometimes at my desk when my coworkers were elsewhere.

None of which I was really aware of until someone said to me, “I’m worried about you. I think you’re depressed.”

So yeah, kinda seemed like I needed medication.

“I think you have situational depression. Once the situation resolves, I think the depression will too,” explained my therapist.

I hadn’t realized I had fallen into a 6-foot-deep pit of depression until someone pointed it out. I knew I was sad but I was in the middle of a really sad situation.

Once I looked around and only saw darkness, I then looked up and saw sunlight and blue sky…and worked really hard to resolve the situation, to get out of the pit. Therapy, almost weekly. For a good 18 months at least. Attending Al Anon. Talking with my pastors. Learning to talk to God.

And sharing with Holly.

Who not only didn’t judge but said, “I have another friend going through the same thing. I need to connect you two.”

Ok, I’ll own how long I’ve known her, because 25 years is an amazing run for a friendship.

And it was part of how I went through the darkness of depression and walked back into sunlight. How I was able to come back to life on the other side.

So if you think you’re depressed – you see darkness but no sunlight – choose someone today and reach out: a family member, friend, coworker, neighbor, your or your child’s teacher, or pastor or priest.

Find a therapist or a treatment facility at Psychology Today’s website.

See your primary care provider or go to a hospital.

Contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness.  The NAMI Helpline is available M-F 10 am – 10 pm, ET.  Connect by phone 800-950-6264 or text “Helpline” to 62640.  Click HERE to chat or HERE for a support group.

IN A CRISIS, CALL OR TEXT 988 OR CLICK HERE TO CHAT

Depression wins when we aren’t even aware of being in a 6-foot-deep hole. It wins when we hunker down in the hole, too ashamed to let others see where we are. It wins when we believe the lie that we are alone.

You. Aren’t. Alone.