Finding breath and beauty amidst the storm

Tag: sadness

Sitting with sadness

I realized, a long time ago, that I was depressed – once someone pointed out to me that I was depressed, that is.  I talked to my therapist about medications, but she called it “situational” depression as opposed to clinical (chronic) depression.  She believed that, once the situation resolved, the depression would too.  I continued talk therapy and, over time, the situation changed and I pulled out of the depression.

Years later though, I still closely monitor where I am at when depressing hardships come.  But while depression is a reality, so is sadness.  And the two are not the same thing.  Too much grief can lead to depression but sitting in your grief does not mean you are depressed.  It does not mean there is something wrong with you, something that needs to be addressed and fixed immediately.

Grief means you are suffering.

And suffering just needs to be experienced.

Grief needs to be sat with for however long it sticks around and again during those times when it suddenly returns for a visit.

Fighting it, ignoring it, trying to rush it along – those things only make it more determined to stay and pop out when you least expect it.

LIFELINE FRIDAY – Gratitude…when you aren’t feeling it

Cody had a seizure Sunday night. His seizure-free period went from 51 weeks between seizures down to 10 weeks.

I’m not doing well this week.

I have so many things I want to write but what I finally decided on (what God recommended when I finally checked in with Him, maybe?) was a Lifeline post on gratitude. Because I’m not feeling very grateful right now.

Or maybe more accurately, I note little things here and there but I’m not really fully paying attention to them. And He wants me to pay attention to them instead of only paying attention to the sadness, frustration, and even guilt I’m focusing on instead.

Sadness and frustration about a chronic illness in your kiddo you can probably understand. The guilt is because my son is only having one seizure every 10 weeks. I know parents whose kids have that many by lunch. Every day. So, I feel guilty for feeling sad about something that in relation to others with epilepsy doesn’t seem that significant. Which of course I know my child having any seizures is significant but….and around and around I go.

So “gratitude” came to mind yesterday. Really focus on it. Watch for it, even search for things for which to be grateful. Not to pretend the bad doesn’t exist but to lift my gaze to the light shining all around me even in the dark.

Things like…

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