A friend invited me to a daytime luncheon in a few weeks.  It’s a weekday when Cody will be in school so I could actually attend it…but Cody will actually be in school for the first time in 18 months, and I just want to rest in my quiet house by myself.

I asked God if I should attend even though my initial response was “No.”  The luncheon speaker was part of a recent collaboration called FAITHFUL of about 20 different Christian authors and singers writing songs and a book about various women in the Bible.  I’m sure it would good; I liked the project and would love to attend with my friend.  But 18 months of covid and Cody being home…  So, I asked God if I should attend this event.  And “Hannah” came to mind.  Which makes sense because that’s the woman this singer/author wrote about and about whom she’ll be speaking.

The Hannah who said this:

“I am a woman with a broken heart . . . I’ve been pouring out my heart before the Lord.”

1 Samuel 1:15

And I laid on my bed and cried.  Because that’s how I feel.  Because I just used that verse recently on Come So Alive’s Instagram page so it was still fresh in my memory.

My friend invited me Tuesday night, I saw the text Wednesday morning, but Wednesday was so full of stressors that I never responded to her.  Thursday morning, I finally texted her back.

“Hello, rough day yesterday, sorry didn’t respond.  Thanks for the offer.  Part of me wants to say yes but part of me wants to rest when Cody finally goes back to school.  Can I think about it a few more days?”

She responded a few hours later with,

“So, by most people’s standards ‘rough day’ would mean they got stuck in traffic.  What does it mean for you yesterday?  Are you ok?”

Huh.  No, I’m not ok.  Our family has a ridiculous amount of health issues, so much so that it’s embarrassing to even tell people about them.  But I was honest and told her about my day.

Also on Wednesday, I read my morning devotional in YouVersion, the Bible app.  This week’s plan is called, ”Living Changed: Conversations with God.”  Wednesday’s entry was titled, “Honest Talk,” about sharing all of ourselves with God – because He already knows anyway so why not just say it to Him.  It suggested pouring out your heart “to the one who can do something about it…pouring our hearts out to God is what allows him to take the burden from us.”

Let God take the burden.

Later that day, when I looked up the Hannah verse that I had used weeks before on Instagram, I realized it had been part of a post.  I didn’t remember that; I thought it was just a photo with a verse.  The post was about song lyrics that had been in my head when I woke up that day.

“Show me it’s not mine to hold” (Andrew Ripp, “Something Beautiful“)

Let God take the burden because it’s not mine to hold.

The burden of the medical issues and the medical bills and all the things I can’t control.

“I am a woman with a broken heart . . . I’ve been pouring out my heart before the Lord.”

Because He’s the only One who can do something about it.

I still haven’t decided if I’m going to the luncheon with the speaker talking about Hannah.  I’m not sure I need to.  I wonder if I just needed a nudge to remember what God had previously said to me and to pay attention to what He was telling me that Wednesday amidst all the hardship.

“Pour out your heart.  It doesn’t have to be pretty and it doesn’t have to be perfect.  Just give Me your honesty.”

I complain and groan morning, noon, and night, And He hears my voice.

Psalm 55:17