Cody had a seizure Sunday night. His seizure-free period went from 51 weeks between seizures down to 10 weeks.
I’m not doing well this week.
I have so many things I want to write but what I finally decided on (what God recommended when I finally checked in with Him, maybe?) was a Lifeline post on gratitude. Because I’m not feeling very grateful right now.
Or maybe more accurately, I note little things here and there but I’m not really fully paying attention to them. And He wants me to pay attention to them instead of only paying attention to the sadness, frustration, and even guilt I’m focusing on instead.
Sadness and frustration about a chronic illness in your kiddo you can probably understand. The guilt is because my son is only having one seizure every 10 weeks. I know parents whose kids have that many by lunch. Every day. So, I feel guilty for feeling sad about something that in relation to others with epilepsy doesn’t seem that significant. Which of course I know my child having any seizures is significant but….and around and around I go.
So “gratitude” came to mind yesterday. Really focus on it. Watch for it, even search for things for which to be grateful. Not to pretend the bad doesn’t exist but to lift my gaze to the light shining all around me even in the dark.
Things like…
Seeing this amazing picture on Sunday and then being drawn back to it the next several days when I felt down.
My husband calling me and Cody on his commute Monday morning to tell us to look at the sunrise which filled his rearview mirror with beautiful pinks and purples.
Cody pulling up a note on my phone he had surreptitiously added to my Google Keep Notes app last week, which I hadn’t seen…which I have since added to my daily reminders.
Having lunch with a friend on Tuesday and having a restaurant only five minutes from my house that actually serves celiac-safe pizza (really good pizza!).
Having a child who thinks it’s fun to color his hair purple with me.
And fellow epilepsy moms with whom to share about Cody’s seizure, one of whom texted me a picture of sunrise yesterday saying, “thought you might like it.”
Finally, I am grateful for God, the One who sits next to me even when I am sad and my gaze is downcast.
But You, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, and the One who lifts up my head.
Psalm 3:3
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