Finding breath and beauty amidst the storm

Category: Gratitude

The things I would have missed

What did you think your life would be like as an adult when you were in high school?  Did you have specific plans?  Is your life filled with things you never could have predicted?

I remember an exercise in high school that instructed us to write out a timeline of goals for our lives, how we saw them unfolding.  Schooling, marriage, kids.  All the things we think will play out in our lives.  I can’t say I followed that timeline of expectations very well, both by choice and by circumstance.  All the best planning could not have predicted where I have ended up. Do you know the feeling?

I’ve been trying to learn to let go of planning and to just receive instead.  (Yes, I know some of you are laughing – I’ll wait until you’re done).

One great way to do that has been learning about contemplative photography, whose principle is to not “take” shots, but rather to receive an image.  Three times recently I have received an image but only in looking at the photo did I really see the whole picture.

I decided to avoid the highway and take the back roads to run errands one day. The greens and blues and peace of the little lake (which I’ve driven past for 20 years) made me stop and back up so I could photograph it. I posted it to Facebook with the caption, “I took the road less traveled.”

Somehow, I missed the fact that I included the side mirror in the image. I was kind of bummed about that because I really only wanted to see the lake. Then a neighbor commented, “I can see your past” and I really looked at the image captured in the mirror. That image was, in fact, my past – the road I had just taken, a road very much “less traveled.” A past that lead me to the beauty I was currently enjoying. That reflection in the mirror actually became my favorite part of the picture.

LIFELINE FRIDAY – Gratitude…when you aren’t feeling it

Cody had a seizure Sunday night. His seizure-free period went from 51 weeks between seizures down to 10 weeks.

I’m not doing well this week.

I have so many things I want to write but what I finally decided on (what God recommended when I finally checked in with Him, maybe?) was a Lifeline post on gratitude. Because I’m not feeling very grateful right now.

Or maybe more accurately, I note little things here and there but I’m not really fully paying attention to them. And He wants me to pay attention to them instead of only paying attention to the sadness, frustration, and even guilt I’m focusing on instead.

Sadness and frustration about a chronic illness in your kiddo you can probably understand. The guilt is because my son is only having one seizure every 10 weeks. I know parents whose kids have that many by lunch. Every day. So, I feel guilty for feeling sad about something that in relation to others with epilepsy doesn’t seem that significant. Which of course I know my child having any seizures is significant but….and around and around I go.

So “gratitude” came to mind yesterday. Really focus on it. Watch for it, even search for things for which to be grateful. Not to pretend the bad doesn’t exist but to lift my gaze to the light shining all around me even in the dark.

Things like…

Grateful for epilepsy in the US

I awoke to the song “Overwhelmed” by Big Daddy Weave this morning.  Playing in my head, not on the radio. 

I turned the computer on to type a few short sentences here and called up the song online.  On Sunday when Cody had his third seizure, I had listened to it once but I didn’t actually watch the video. 

Today is Thursday** and it appears to be my soundtrack for the day, so I watched the video. 

It’s a beautiful song, overwhelming me with emotion and gratitude toward God. 

What are you choosing today?

A few months before Cody was diagnosed with epilepsy, a friend told me about a book called One Thousand Gifts.  The author decided to try to record 1000 gifts from God in her daily life.  After reading the book, I started my own gratitude journal, keeping track of the gifts that God had given me the day before.

I have recorded at least one thing to be grateful for every day since then even when I didn’t feel like there were any.  While I have recorded considerably more than 1000 gifts, it hasn’t always been easy to do. Only now as I pull it out again do I even realize there is a subtitle:

Page 2 of 2

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén