“Your life’s not normal.”
My physical therapist said that yesterday as he explained he thought much of my continued pain and inflammation in my shoulder is from stress.
I started to cry.
“I’m not trying to bring out emotions here. You’ve had to deal with so much and you’ve weathered all of it.”
“I know,” as I cried and laughed.
But my life’s not normal.
Seizures, ADHD, allergies and autoimmune issues, and more for my son.
Open-heart surgeries (yes, plural), a job loss, and a stroke for my husband.
Nurse Ratchet administering a vaccine by SLAMMING the needle so hard into my shoulder that she tore a tendon…so badly that I needed surgery…after which I couldn’t take pain medications because they horribly triggered my vestibular migraines (which had developed from said vaccine) to the point that I couldn’t sleep at night, that sleep itself and the position of my head during sleep caused massive waves of vertigo ripping me from the sleep needed to heal from the shoulder surgery…
“I think this shoulder pain and restriction is from your body trying to protect itself.”
Because my life’s not normal.
I had to have imaging this morning on a lump in my neck. It appears to be a bone spur on my spine, and I’m thinking that could well be what’s causing the pain and range of motion restriction in my shoulder.
I just want a normal life.
I want the 2-3 kids I expected, including a set of twins. I want the big Victorian house with gorgeous woodwork that I envisioned living in as a teenager. I want a part-time job with benefits and actual vacation time.
I want normal.
On my drive to the clinic this morning, I drove past a little backwater lake and noticed the most beautiful fog rising up from it. Fall had very rapidly descended and the 43-degree air was colder than the water. A natural phenomenon, but not an every-day occurrence.
Certainly not normal.
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